everydaywithri

Monday evening, I did see yesterday people at the park on a Monday evening like everything was like before , like nothing changed. They were with a bottle of wine and their companions. Not a care in the world, their bare bodies taking in as much sun as they could knowing that today would be a rainy day. They wanted the moment in the sun to last for the longest time. While i strolled through the park enjoying watching them soak the sun like i couldn't. The world seems to be at a strange transition and i feel like in the middle of it all. Where one half is still holding on to what was and the other what is to be. Why can't we take each moment like it were our last and make the most count. Why do we struggle to go through with things that don't please us but we do it because it makes us what it makes everybody else and we are a mere part of what everybody else wants. Why has my laughter become a mere memory . Why is there so much confusion and no clarity? Why is there more noi...

The weather is certainly fluctuating here as well as all over the world. Not just the weather but everything else as well. We are all uncertain about everything. Its raining outside and ive had a nice morning with my coffee , yoga & meditation routine also a lovely breakfast of bacon and white egg. Pia and me decided to meet nachmittag for kaffee at Flingern Nord. I headed out to get some prints before i leave to meet pia & miri. I bummed into a cool guy at the print shop and he happened to be very nice and helped me out with my prints that left me with a smile on my face after whiich i left my documents at home and left in this gloomy weather and i reached hauptbanof after which i got  alost a little taking the wrong tram from which i recovered and headed to the kaffee. We all met at a sweet coffee shop where they were about to shut at 6pm. psst Dusseldorf and the kaffee shops. After which we moved over to another sweet tee & kuchen place where we indulged in tee &...

The Summer is here but the vibe isnt. Its 10 pm here and the sky is still blue but the feeling isnt. The breeze mildly warm brushing against me is here but the feeling isnt. How is that so much has happened but i feel like what we experienced went away just like that , like a blaze and what is left of it is just the rest. This hasnt gone as planned and it keeps feeling stranger than before. I wish i could change this feeling and  make things like they are supposed to be felt. 'I want to get rid of the negativity that surrounds me, The world is hurt and so are the people and whatever it is that comes to life feels like it isnt part of it. I feel distanced , angry and unhappy at how as humanity we are evolving. I would say the least is we arent evolving. We are just existing and doing nothing about the rest.

The going has got tough. The days are bright , the lights are beautiful with that stunning source of light looking at you and all i can see is you, Next to me looking at me with that gaze that i cannot take my eyes away from. The gaze that knows its me or nothing. Its been a while since i saw that gaze stare at me and get closer. This is a battle that we are fighting. I dont know where i belong but i know that i am going to make the impossible , possible . We are going to be together and gaze at each other like we did again. We are going to see magic. We are going to win this battle. Its a bad bad world but we got only one and it is going to be right with you by my side. I will have everything i want with you holding my hand. It pains me everyday to fight the days. I knew life is rough but this time i asked for it and i am going to fight. I have the strength and the will in me to carry on. I will carry on and so will you. We are going to be together again. I am sick of being taken ...

Everything seems to be spinning in circles or maybe that's just how i am perceiving this, It may look like i am going towards something but honestly its a really twisted path. I am happy to know i have you  by my side, even though we really get on each other's nerves but there isn't a moment when you are not on my mind especially with the moments we have had together. I hope we create new memories to blur the previous memories. I had you so fucking close to me and now you are far in that exact distance, I know this shall pass too. Its just the way for now. We need to stay strong for its this strength that will bond us stronger.It doesnt have to be hard, it doesnt have to be easy either. I just want us to be a good space together with our favorite pizza and our wine. Its as simple as that. That is truly what we need.  I rightly deserve what i deserve in the life i have been bestowed up. I happen to begin listening to the translation of bhagvat gita today and hopefully it im...

I went through my facebook posts from 2009 and i am surprised by how things have changed and how there has been a constant.The constant being 'me' and how i failed to see myself in a brighter light within myself but you cannot blame me , you are taught to be wired like this .Your home , your people they are used to living way they understand best and the module that fits them the best. Its true to understand the model that fits you best and i never really discovered it until now and i am still learning and unlearning to relearn. I truly enjoy my own space offcourse with an addition to have him by my side. Going back to my thought the other day about us. We were together just months ago , and we were not just together but also in complete isolation together. We fought like crazy and loved like never before . How can things be so momentary . I never appreciated his true presence when he was around and now i would anything to have him around. Its like that was a dream that lasted...

I honestly dont know how did shit get do bad. Its 12th of May 2020 its bloody almost half the year which has gone by and i honestly cannot wait for this year to be over. I just feel so negative this year opposed to what i felt like year. Co-Vid real or not has taken a toll on the world and i feel like pawn just like everyone apart from the super rich / the illuminati who truly know what the hell to do at a time like this. Perhaps, Bill Gates was a part of this, i dont know . All i know i am facing this and it feels like fucking shit. Everything feels like a struggle. Every fucking thing. Nothing seems to be going the way i want it to . I am not manifesting well or am i just an idiot to have read all those help books only to realize that i am only a normal human with really no special abilites and only surrouned by vultures. In this hunger games, am i just to remain a pawn. When will i be able to maybe call the shots someday. Why does everything seem so odd and confusing. Everything is ...