What a Drab

I honestly dont know how did shit get do bad. Its 12th of May 2020 its bloody almost half the year which has gone by and i honestly cannot wait for this year to be over. I just feel so negative this year opposed to what i felt like year. Co-Vid real or not has taken a toll on the world and i feel like pawn just like everyone apart from the super rich / the illuminati who truly know what the hell to do at a time like this. Perhaps, Bill Gates was a part of this, i dont know . All i know i am facing this and it feels like fucking shit. Everything feels like a struggle. Every fucking thing. Nothing seems to be going the way i want it to . I am not manifesting well or am i just an idiot to have read all those help books only to realize that i am only a normal human with really no special abilites and only surrouned by vultures. In this hunger games, am i just to remain a pawn. When will i be able to maybe call the shots someday. Why does everything seem so odd and confusing. Everything is making me reach a dead wall. How did things turn upside down? How? Its all fucking upside down. Nothing seems to motivate me . It is getting harder to be motivated. Nothing feels new and special.

Things have truly taken a shift and i want to be embracing the shift but this feels like jolt and definitely a shit one. I want to take this time and completely transform myself to somebody embraces change with open arms.
We are going to see newness ,i hopefully know that this will be good. I realized how important travelling is and how it makes you feel. I honestly know that i will meet him here.
My journey here in Dusseldorf began on such a postive note but somehow it went downhill after.
The whole world is experienxing the downhill with me.
Quote of the day - This too shall pass.
Night For now.

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