Night capsule

Everytime i smell the air in the night i go back to the night spent with you at the top of the hill just looking the bright lights of the city. The beauty in us is something i definitely am missing more than the others things. I have to tune myself to believe that this is all 'Temporary', that it is in fact just a moment which too shall pass and there will be those nights again where i had you by my side.
Everything is temporary , everything. It all just stays for that moment, that unexpected moment that you don't think as much of but live it because you want to be in the moment.
I want to stronger, fearless better everyday. I want to be able to train my brain to live every moment in the moment itself and not anticipate or look back and be here, it is so much harder without you here with me. I want to fight against the odds and come out on the other side, like the run that i make and surpass the post that i would never think that i would reach but i eventually do and it is way past me and i look at it in hindsight and smile that i passed it. I want to learn , adapt , change be better a version of myself everyday. I am here for a purpose and i want to be able to be fulfilling that purpose that was bestowed to me in the form of life. Every passing day and i will surpass. I question myself but that is just my fears talking to me and rejoicing if i ever gave in.
I must have the patience to be able to play this game of life where i am a mere pawn , and nothing more. Just an entertainer or a watcher.
There are no bounds to me, only the ones that i make in my head to be true.
Everything today is momentary , everything. My soul too, i am here temporarily and i can never truly create permanence. I would be a fool to thing that, nothing about my existence is permanent. I am here for a temporary period and shall adhere to that span of time which could be unknown.
My fears are merely created to be an illusion to deceiving me into believing something that may never matter.
What am i truly living for ? What is it that i can fulfil in the temporary moments that i have here today? What is that truly can have feeling even closely fulfilled? Is it love? Is it lust?Is it money? What can i do today that change the future or advance the futures to come?
Am i being human enough? What is it to be human? Do you love more? Do you express with affection? Do you hurt and get hurt? Is this human? Would i be more human if i cared and less if i didn't? Or are we living in times that it was better if i didnt? Then that would make me more human as i would be more diplomatic? Is it human to fully express your feelings or is it not?
I have questions regarding whether where we are heading as human beings, i am a mere generation. I will have more after me and i have many before me. I am in a cycle, it is my turn now.
It is my turn now to define what is it that we are going to mold or shape. It is my turn to express at the time when expression is seen weak.

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